Monday, December 20, 2010

confrontation...

I don’t usually come to my blog with personal issues/drama but I’ve got something sitting heavy on my heart and mind that I just have to get out.


Dominic’s mom….

If you have been following my blog for a while you will have noticed that I used to spend a lot of time with my nephew, Dominic. Last year, Billy and I would watch him every Wednesday and he would come over to play and spend the night often. We have always been close to Dominic, in part because he lived at our house for over a year and because we used to spend a lot of time with my brother and him. Billy and my brother became good friends when he lived with us so we were just always together. Dom’s mom worked opposite schedules of all of us but when we could all 5 hang out, we did.
Going back 4 years…

My best friend lived with me at the time, Billy had just moved in as well. My brother was over visiting and us 4 were all hanging out having drinks on the deck. My brother and my bestie had only met a few times, at the time my brother and my bestie were 21. Well, those two ended up inside the house at the same time and I guess they kissed. It was nothing more than a peck. BUT my brother was with Dominic’s mom at the time and she was pregnant. What my bestie and brother did was wrong. They both knew it was wrong and my brother told D’s mom and my bestie also apologized over and over. They made a really stupid mistake.  Neither of them have been forgiven nor has this been forgotten.


Fast forward 4 years…

Dominic’s mom will not let him come to our house anymore. She says it’s because of what happened 4 years ago. She thinks my bestie might be at my house. Although my bestie moved out of the state 6 months ago and lives over 4 hours away. I think Dom’s mom has lost it. It’s just not fair and it breaks my heart that she keeps this little boy from two people that love him like he was their own. We saw him learn to crawl and walk and talk. When they lived with us his bedroom was right next to ours and I would go get him all the time to play with him, feed him, anything….I just loved being with him.  My brother and Dom's mom both worked full time so whenever we could help out, we would.

Last year Billy and I used to watch Dominic every Wednesday and they also used to come over for game night and to hang out and spend the night.  It was never a problem then for Dominic to be at our place without his parents.  Dominic’s mom and I actually used to be pretty good friends too. We have always gotten along no matter what drama has come up.

For mine and Billy's wedding, we only had immediate family. The wedding started at 4:30 and she knew that, she knew for a while. She had the day off. She showed up at 5, after the ceremony. Of course she had Dominic with her so he missed our wedding as well. She has no explanation for being the way she is. If you ask me, she is rude and very selfish. Once they were there, she immediately got upset with my brother and said her and Dominic were leaving. Nothing had even happened; she just loves attention and starting drama. I got upset and almost started crying because I didn’t want Dom to have to leave, I wanted him there on that special day. My brother convinced her to stay and the rest of the night went fine. Although neither Billy or I talked to her. I was so upset that she couldn’t show up on time in the first place and then just threaten to leave with Dom.  I wasn't rude to her but I think she felt a bit dumb for acting the way she did and she kept to herself most of the night.

A few weeks later when she found out I was pregnant, all she said was “wow, that happened quick”. No congrats or anything.


After Dominic’s birthday in September she de-friended me and blocked me on facebook. I have NO idea what I did or anything. I thought everything was fine at Dominic’s party. Ever since then I haven’t talked to her. She was over at my parent’s house on Halloween and we didn’t exchange a word. She is friends with everyone else in my family on FB including Billy. 

She didn’t come for Thanksgiving this year but at least Dominic was there.

Then a few weeks ago I asked my brother if Dominic could spend the night because Billy and I hadn’t seen him in a while. My brother said he could and then he texted me a few hours later and said that he couldn’t. I didn’t even need to ask why.  I just cried about it. I knew it was his mom’s doing. Billy ended up talking to my brother to see what the issue was. And that is when I found out that Dominic’s mom said he wasn’t allowed at our place because of one of my best friends and something that happened 4 years ago. Or so she says...

I was at my parent’s house yesterday and I was getting ready to leave I noticed they had a Christmas card with pictures of Dominic. Guess who didn’t get that Christmas card? Yeah, me and Billy.


I’m so hurt, angry, and upset by what she is doing. No one in my family gets it, or gets her. I am going to confront her about this soon because I don’t think her actions are fair in any way and I think there is something more to this.
I got to see Dom last Wednesday because she lets him go to my parent’s house. We all baked cookies and had a fun night over there. If she thinks she can keep him from me, that is not going to happen.





The other thing is, I feel bad for my brother. She puts him in the middle of all of this. They have lived together for over a year now, I just pray all is going well between the two of them and that they have a happy little family.

I apologize for the long post. I’m sure it was all over the place and doesn’t make much sense but I feel better just writing about some of this situation.

52 comments:

ajs {of MN} said...

i ALWAYS feel better when i write things out. i am not sure but it doesn't sound like the two are married so she technically isn't your sister in law- but if it makes you feel any better (which it might not) i have the worst sister in law who ALSO loves drama and attention. and SHE is 38.... but acts 15, it's terrible. i do my best to not let her constant drama with me get to me. her reaction to you getting pregnant tells me she may be a bit jealous of you and possibly your healthy relationship. jealousy is an ugly thing and it's usually controls most situations- its just not fair! not fair for anyone. im sorry you are dealing with this, especially with how close you are to your nephew. hope you feel better about it soon and are able to talk with her and get things straightened out.

Aishlea and Brandon said...

Girl, I'm so sorry.... I wish I knew what to say or have some advice to give, but I am horrible at confrontation and all things surrounding it. But I can pray for you and wish you luck as you confront her and try to make things right! :)

Mallory said...

What a cute boy he is! I'm sorry about all of this. I think a lot of families have some drama...my mom's extended family should just be called drama...that's what they are and live for. Prayers for You!

SG to SP said...

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I went through something similar with my sister in law refusing to let my family see my nieces because she and my mom (their grandmother) couldn't get along. We didn't see them for a year and my brother was stuck in the middle. Fortunately last year we all sat down and hashed it out and apologized for our actions and thankfully things have been MUCH better and now we can see the girls again. They were even allowed to be in my wedding which we had feared wouldn't happen. I suggest asking her to sit down with you and to talk about everything and find out what her problem with you is. Maybe she's just jealous b/c you're married and pregnant and drama free.

bananas. said...

oh annie, i'm so sorry. seems like every one i know is dealing with family issues right now...and over nothing! both dave's family and my best friend are dealing with similar things. although it doesn't affect me directly, it does when i hear how hurt they are from certain family members.

i felt the same reading this post. how immature can one be? and SELFISH too!!! using a child as leverage against someone over silly drama that occurred years ago is a waste. if she really cared, she would put her own son first and allow him to see his fabulous aunt.

hugs...xoxo.

{N} Jones said...

So sorry to hear that all of this has been happening to you hun! Sometimes it helps to vent and to get other people opinions, so I totally understand just wanting to get it off your chest on here. First off, how sad that she has to act like this. It sounds to me like she is a very jealous and selfish person. Yes, what your brother and BF did was certainly not right, however they have done their parts by apologizing. There is no reason that she should be upset with you or keeping Dom from you because she is insecure. It's quite possible some of the jealousy could stem from you spending so much time with Dom when he was little and she knows how much Dom loves you and Billy. Jealousy can make people do some very ugly things! I certainly hope everything gets worked out. You are doing the best thing by confronting her. I hope it doesn't escalate into something bigger once you talk to her. Good luck and I will say some prayers for you hun!!

Joanna Noel said...

awww...I am so sorry dear! Things like that are never fun..and they hurt so deep. Im praying for you and really hope you can get things worked out! That little boy is getting hurt more than anyone cause he is from the people he loves. I hope it all works out!
<3
XOXO

Jamie Pickle said...

I'm sorry to hear this. I know you are close with your nephew (and the rest of your family), this must be so hard. Hopefully when you confront her you can get through to her and she will stop being like this.

CMae said...

That's some heavy drama. You can only hope that in due time as his mom gets even older, she'll realize how foolish she's being about everything..

Lil' Woman said...

That's some heavy stuff you have, I'm sorry girl. I'm surprised though that your brother isn't taking more of a stand with letting you see his nephew, considering his mistake with your bestie is the 'reason' she won't let Dom at your house.

Charis said...

Ugh I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! Sometimes we just trigger something in people that makes them act unkind to us although we don't know why. Not something you want to deal with over the holidays!
I just said a prayer for swift, perfect resolution of this situation for you and everyone else involved.
And don't worry. Dom knows you love him, and you're right - you won't be separated from him permanently. I'm sure she'll eventually come around. Maybe one of these days you guys can hash it out face-to-face, peacefully (although I wouldn't hold my breath for that, judging by this post).
Rooting for your girl! Good luck!

(plus, maybe you could mention to here that Dom can come over even when your bro isn't there & you promise no one else will come? Certainly she could prob use a night to herself every now and then, or on a date w/ your bro, grownups only...)

Rissy said...

You would hope that a parent would love and appreciate anyone who had such unconditional love for their child, but I guess this is not a perfect world.
I think it is awful that you have to go through this... if she is having some trust issues with your brother, she is really taking it out on the wrong person. Seems like she has a little mis-directed anger right now. You do not deserve that : ( Stinks so bad too that so much exciting stuff is going on with you right now, and Dom isn't there : (

HUGS to you hun

Jeannie said...

I'm so sorry that you have to go thru this...or be put in this situation :( She sounds like a very childish and selfish person...and it sucks that she's taking it out on the wrong person :(

Sarah Ann said...

Oh girl, I am so sorry that you have to put up with such a drama queen. Some people just can't be happy in life unless they are the constant center of it. I'm glad you're going to try and talk with her, but be careful, she may not be as responsive as you hope. Good luck. :)

Becca said...

I hate that for you! I am sure you don't deserve this. Some people, I believe, are just ridiculous and there is no helping them. I hope that when you do speak to her, y'all will be able to work things out. Poor Dominic has to be hurting not to come and hang out with you and Billy :(

My Dream Ring said...

That is so sad and I'm sorry but she is being beyond immature. Why is she not mad at Billy and still holding a grudge against you. Its not like you hooked them up. They were two grown adults who realized their wrongs. It also seems that she may have a little jealousy issue with you as well. He is precious and I would be so hurt if i couldn't see my neices or nephews they mean so much to me. I would for sure sit and have a talk and see whats going on with her.

Tiffany said...

It does feel better to get it all out! I had one of these today as well. :) I hope all continues to get better from here on out and that she will come to her senses and not keep y'all away from him.

ModernMom said...

It always feel better to get these things written out. So sory to hear you are having a hard time right now. If it's any comfort...time usually heals old wounds. Hugs

Jax said...

Girl, it always feels good to just get it out. I have often thought of having an anonymous blog just so I can vent about anything and everything! haha! I am so sorry about this situation. That sounds horrible.. I mean.. it's not like you had anything to do with what happened...and the girl has MOVED away. And it was FOUR years ago! GOODNESS! Plus, even if she's insecure and jealous, I dont see how letting Dom come over could hurt ANYTHING. I mean, if you had a house full of hot friends in lingerie running around and you kept inviting your brother over every night, maybe she'd be insecure..haha.. but she needs to let bygones by bygones. That's an awful lot of hurt and anger to hold for that long over something so trivial! *sigh* I'm so sorry, friend. And good for you on not letting her stop you from seeing Dom! And good for Billy for helping you deal with this by talking to your bro and her, etc.... He's a good hubby, girl.

AM said...

So sorry to hear that you have to deal with that. Though I think it is good you shared it because it helps to release all that stress you feel and gives you support when you most need it. Sounds like sitting down to talk one on one may be your only option. Good luck!

Jenn @ West Sac Honey said...

It sounds like this girl needs to grow up and deal with her shit. You don't deserve to be treated that way, and if she tries to blame you which it sounds like she is, she should really be mad at your brother (sorry) but obviously she isn't if they are together so she needs to accept everyone not just certain people. So sorry your going through that, this is something kinda of similar that's happened with a group of our friends.

Tatiana said...

That totally sucks! She really does sound immature and selfish. She is only hurting her son by not letting him bond and spend time with you guys. And I agree... there is a bigger issue underneath it all beside your bestie for her not to let Dom come to your house. She obviously knows your friend doesn't even live in the same state! Sorry, but that's just a lame ass excuse on her part.
I hope you'll be able to confront her and put this all behind you soon.

Hayley said...

Ditto what Jenn said. She needs to grow up. Putting kids in the middle of grown up drama is deplorable, as is she.

Sorry you have to deal with selfish, immature bitches, hon. I have one in my family, too, and it's rough.

Aly said...

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I hope that when you decide to comfort her everything works out. Keep us updated!

Melissa said...

Sorry you're going through that. I really hate when people use their kids against others. It's childish and it does nothing but hurt the children involved.

Meant to be a mom said...

These are the reasons we blog sometimes. No worries.
I'm so sorry to hear that the situation has gotten to be this way. Its really to bad. It seems to me like the mother is extremely jealous and bothered by the past and is putting her child in the middle of it all. Honestly it doesn't even really seem like it has anything to do with you other than the fact that it was in your house. If anything its between her brother and her.

I'm sorry that you and your sweet nephew are having to suffer because of it. :(

love jenny xoxo said...

:( that sucks... i hate it when people use children to get back at people or punish them... but she doesn't even have reason to do that. It sucks that your brother is with a woman like that, but then since they have a child it's hard. I hope she grows up... fast

XOXO

Kristen said...

so your brother and Dom's mom are currently together? That is so sad girl, I hate that people have to act like fools and put kids in the middle of things. Good luck to you

jayme said...

girl... dom needs you in his life. as an aunt, a role model, a friend, a second mama, he just needs you! and billy too. i think y'all should try to sit and figure things out! any chances? ps, he's too cute. and i'm so excited about dom's cousin! :)

Ashley said...

That stinks! I hate that you are having to put up with that :( Dominic is just precious though!

Lori said...

I could always tell that you adore that little boy!!! You are so good with him, and she should realize that. I think it would be a good idea for you to confront her about it and get it all out in the open with her. You have nothing to be sorry for, I am curious what her response would be. I also had some family issues very recently, and I wish I had gone and confronted the person. I think it would have ended a little better than it did. Good luck and I am glad you shared!!

Chicago Cuisine Critique said...

I hope this post lifted a little bit of weight off your shoulders. A lot of times saying things out loud (or putting them down on paper) can really help release some stress. I hope you two work everything out, especially with a baby on the way. It is so unfortunate when these things happen in a family, but you certainly are not alone. Try and keep your head up! :)

Amber said...

Family issues are always the most difficult to handle - it hurts the most when there are problems with people you care about. The saddest part to me is that poor Dom isn't getting to spend quality time with his aunt and uncle. He's SUCH a cute kid and I love all the memories I have of being with my aunts and uncles as a kid. I hope that things work out when you confront her and hopefully she will see that you only want to spend time with him becuase you love him and want to share in his life. Good luck with all of it sweetie!

~Haley~ said...

Writing it out is the BEST therapy! The saddest part in this entire drama is that Dom is the one who has to suffer away from his aunt & uncle, who it's obvious he loves a LOT! It's sad that a grown woman is dictating her son's life based on a one-time mistake 4 years ago. Hopefully she comes to her senses soon, or your brother comes to his. He should stand up for you, that's no way to start a "loving" family, by allowing her to push you out & control him. Good luck, I hope it gets resolved soon!

xoxo

Lindsay said...

THis is hard. Good luck with all this. I hope you can find some sort of medium :) HUGS

Marcy XOXO said...

Thinking about you girl! Never easy!!! I will be praying that this all gets better for you... you are just so sweet and Dom needs his Aunt and Uncle!!!

Paige said...

I agree with you that there is something "more to this" and that she is being selfish. Crossing my fingers that she doesn't cause anymore problems for you!

Tamara Nicole said...

So sorry to hear about this! We can't control others and their issues . . . but it's sad when it gets in the way of family. Hopefully some day you can sit down and talk it out. Just don't take it personal:-)

Blicious said...

awww im so sorry. that is so crappy. :(

xoxo

Ams said...

Sending you hugs my friend... that benefits no one especially Mr. Dom. Thinking of you and hoping that things sort themselves out soon! *Hugs*

Marian said...

Oh my goodness Annie!! I can't believe this girl. She shouldn't hold these things against...and especially not for four years...and she most definitely shouldn't put Dominic in the middle of it. Sending lots of virtual love and hope that this drama blows over. You don't deserve it at all!!

xoxoxo

Kelly Latour said...

What a cute little boy! I think he needs you in his life to provide some stability. Go talk to his Mom, get things out in the air. I hope all goes well, sending wishes your way!

Jules said...

This made perfect sense and feel free to vent away! I am so sorry this is happening to someone as sweet and nice as you. I think it’s people like us (because I’m the same way) that always get the shaft. It all boils down to some kind of jealousy. She was probably starting to get jealous over your relationship with Dom, was jealous over you and Billy getting married (hence her being late on purpose) and now the icing on the jealous cake…hearing the news of your pregnancy. Some women cannot handle happiness for others. It’s sad, but true.

Again, I am so sorry that she hurt you and I hope it all gets worked out. She is being very selfish and I hope you’re able to talk it out with her. If you need to talk, I’m here :)

Lana said...

I'm so sorry. What a frustrating situation. What's so sad is that it's hurting Dominic...you know he has to want to see yall and needs you in his life...so sad! I would defintely talk to her about it! A mistake happened....that's no reason to keep him from you!

Aleshia said...

I am so sorry you are dealing with this issue! Why is she mad at you? Your not the one that was involved! It's a very selfish thing to do! The not getting a Christmas card would have really upset me! You are right about talking with her! Good luck with that and when you do update us on Twitter via blog! She really should appreciate how much you love him!! Have a great Christmas :-)

Perfectly Imperfect said...

You poor girl. I'm sorry you're dealing with all of that. She sounds like a very selfish girl which stinks, because you usually can't reason with those kinds of people. I think you should talk to her, calmly, and see where it goes from there. Maybe until then, you can just see him at your parents? I hope this works out soon. I know it's got to be so hard.

MJ said...

So sorry that you're having to deal with this. I hope that everything works out, especially so you can see Dom. Sending big hugs and happy thoughts your way...

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

It sounds like she's incredible immature and needs to get over something that you had no control over.

Katy Mary said...

Aww Annie I am so sorry to read about the troubles you are having. No one should keep a child from spending time with their family no matter what. I hope that you get some answers soon.

Louise said...

I read your blog often. but haven't left a comment yet!

wow... this girl has jealousy written all over her. Sometimes we can't see how much we have got, and want what others have, sometimes that need can be so strong it overtakes everything else, including heathy friendships. It's a pity she allows her own jealousy to ruin her friendship with you,although I'm sure she'll tell you she isn't jealous followed by the lovely line that you have 'nothing for me to be jealous about....' when in reality you have everthing for her to be jealous of, if she allows it. She has a lovely adorable son that some people can't have and a partner who clerly loves her to put up with her!! She should focus on what she does have!

The best advice I can give... is what my mother always says.... 'ignore her' there is no point in you getting upset over her, when you aren't the one with the problem...

what a pity she's allowing her son to get caught up in this, I'm sorry for your situatuion, especially at this time of year!

Keep your chin up...
Louise xx ps love the blog xx

Taylor @ The Undomestic Momma said...

aww I am so sorry Annie! You seem like the worlds best aunt and she should be thankful for Dominic to have such a great aunt! Im glad you got to spend some time with him anyways though. Hope this all gets cleared up for you soon sugar!

Hilary Lane said...

Ugh, I know exactly what you're going through. My sister in law sounds just like D's mom. A couple of years ago, the entire family went on a trip to FL after Christmas & one night she got mad at me about something & decided I was a spoiled brat. Instead of saying a word to me, she blamed my parents for making me a spoiled brat. For the next 10 months, she wouldn't talk (other than to say nasty things) to my family at all. Both of my nephews missed my wedding, and we didn't see them again until the next Christmas. The only advice I have to offer is just to try to make her happy if you want to see D, even if you have to be nice and tell her what she wants to hear, even when you feel like pulling her hair out & telling her she's a b*tch. I hope things get better though!

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