pin cushion...

about a week ago i thought my mind and body were playing tricks on me, i was getting the chills and then i'd have a fever of 102.  i didn't know if i was all there, i knew i for sure didn't have the strength and energy that i normally have and i was in pain.  the previous week billy had a cold, it was mostly congestion and he still has it a little bit.  i had been feeling off since that previous weekend so i figured i was just getting that same cold as well.  i hadn't been sick in 10 years.

last wednesday when i woke up i forced myself to believe that i wasn't as sick as i thought i was and i drug myself out of bed.  my sister had spent the day before with cullen and i, i thought if i was getting a cold and i was so tired i could just sleep off what i had.  she watched cullen while i napped through the day.  back to weds morning, i attempted to pump without much luck. i think i got an ounce or two when i can normally pump 7-8.  i then went and made half a bagel and forced myself to eat it and then i laid on the floor with cullen and tried to entertain him.  i just didn't have much energy, thankfully he doesn't crawl yet.  i propped him up on his boppy and laid next to him on our foam floor mat and we watched some mickey mouse and both fell asleep.  i woke up feeling like i had a tiny bit more energy so i decided i should at least get cullen out for a walk.  i bathed him and then we walked to the park to swing.  once we were at the park i sat in the swing with my baby on my lap just thinking how i wanted to feel like my normal self wondering if i had the energy to push cullen all the way home.  we made it, thankfully. i spent the rest of the night on the couch and was in bed by 8:30.

thursday morning i woke up exhausted and barely had strength to pick up cullen.  i remember getting to the stairs and taking the first one and thinking wow my legs are so weak i better sit down.  i sat down and slid down the stairs with cullen on my lap.  when we got downstairs i laid cullen on his playmat like i always do and i sat next to him and cried.  i felt helpless.  i collected myself and went to the kitchen to wash bottles and clean up.  i checked my phone and i had 2 missed calls from billy.  i called him and he told me i was to get ready and go to the doctor, he had made an appt for me.  i think my adrenaline kicked in at that point, i knew i had to get ready and get cullen ready and get out the door.  i went to see the doctor that i saw while pregnant with cullen, he also delivered cullen and is a family friend.  he thought i just had a UTI and gave me antibiotics. cullen and i spent the rest of the afternoon playing on the couch together, i had no energy.  i had one pill at 6 when billy got home, ate dinner and went to bed.

friday morning i woke up even worse, pain in my stomach and sides, no energy and totally exhausted.  slid down the stairs again with cullen on my lap. i knew i couldn't spend the day by myself with cullen, i had no energy.  thankfully my mom had an at home office day and she came over and helped me, well she did everything.  i had given up on pumping by this day because i had nothing.  thankfully i had a stock pile of milk in the freezer.  my dad came over in the evening so they could both be with me until billy got home.  i had told billy during the day that i had been worse and he must have made a phone call to the doctor.  he came home around 7:30 that night and said we have to go get your appendix checked out.

friday night we went to urgent care where the tests began.  you know the drill temp, blood pressure, pulse, pee in a cup and giving blood.  doc came back and said well you're not pregnant (okay....) and there is definitely something brewing inside you, you're a sick girl.  he said my white blood cell count was extremely high and he knew it had to do with my kidneys.  next on the list was an ultrasound which didn't show much so i was off for a cat scan.  all of this happened over 6 hours, i had watched shrek 1 and 2, checked in on our sweet baby a few times (my parents and sis were over at our house taking care of him) and billy had run home to grab a few essentials for an over night hospital stay.  around 2 in the morning the doctor came in to tell me i had accute kidney failure and a kidney infection with cloudy fluid surrounding my kidneys.  this all came on from the UTI, i had no idea i had it (until thurs) and the infection quickly spread through my whole body, attacking my kidneys.  hence being sore and completely worn out.  the doc said he wanted me to go to the hospital so i could be monitored since my kidneys were shutting down.  turns out doctors orders can't always be fulfilled....the three surrounding hospitals were full. no beds!  billy and i were kind of thankful for this though, this meant we got to go home to our baby and we got to eat!  neither of us had eaten since noon that day and it was 2 in the morning now.   before i left i had to get an iv treatment of antibiotics.  the doctor told me i'd have to return to get 3 more treatments, getting an iv and giving blood. we got home friday (with our mcdonalds) around 3:30, ate and then cullen woke up ;)  we visited him a little and all went to bed.

saturday, sunday and monday i went to urgent care to have my treatments.  the nurses joked on saturday that i was 'their little pin cushion' because they had to prick my arm 9 times to get the iv in!  i was so dehydrated my veins were not cooperating.  now, i'm so pumped full of fluid it's crazy!  i gained over a pound a day the past few days and i ate a lot less than i normally do.  my milk has slowly came back in!  now i need to start another stock pile, just in case.  now, not only can i lift my own arms above my head,  i can lift our 22 pound culley above my head!! :)  i have my 'mom' strength and energy back!  so thankful!  i think my hubby is my guardian angel....i had been laying in bed on wednesday night praying.  i didn't tell billy to call anyone or do anything, he just did it on his own.  had he not i probably would have let things continue the way they were, i'm stubborn sometimes.

in the end, i'm thankful all is okay, we're just waiting on a call for my blood results for the while blood cell count and hopefully i get confirmation all is good.  i feel a million times better.  it was a whirlwind of a week....  i'm also so very thankful for my family, we'd be lost without them.  they took care of cullen a lot over the past few days.  and of course i appreciate and thank my hubby for taking the steps he did to take care of me and always being by my side.

now i'm sure many of you are thinking 'why didn't you go to the doctor sooner'.....and i didn't know if i wanted to share or not but i do not have health care insurance.  when i became a stay at home mom/business owner billy and i applied for our own family insurance policy.  well, billy and cullen got approved and i got DENIED because of an abnormal pap.  i know i have read on so many blogs in the past year about many of you have them as well, could you imagine if you got denied health insurance because of that?!  my doctor is going to help me try to appeal Medica denying me but as for all the treatments, ct scan and ultrasounds i had over 5 days we're going to be paying for all of it out of our own pocket.

 i am staying positive, i have my health and i'll never take it for granted.  i have a loving hubby, sweet baby, happy family, awesome support and i just love all the people i'm surrounded by....including all of you.  i could not believe how many of you reached out to me on twitter. thank you, thank you, thank!  i'm sure i missed some details in those 5 days, there was a lot of couch and floor time ;) and texts with sweet pattyann! thanks friend!

p.s. culley bear says hi ;) from the day at the park, swinging!

p.p.s. awesome deal going on!  

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