Wednesday, August 12, 2009

pondering

B and I have been engaged for 3 months.
We have not one single thing planned out for a wedding.
That is if there will even be an actual wedding!?!
If B could make the decision alone,
We would’ve already went to the court house…..
Ummm….so not what I want to do!
With Kelly’s Korner doing wedding posts on Friday,
show us your dress,
show us your reception,
show us your honeymoon....
Makes me a little bummed to know I’ll never have a big wedding.
My whole life I always said I don’t want a big fancy wedding.
I don’t want all the attention on me.
I still don’t….
At times I feel like I’ll be missing out not having a big traditional wedding.
The flowers, cake, decorations, bridesmaids and dresses….
BUT I know for a fact B and I will never have a big wedding.
We have our reasons.
We have tossed some ideas around but not a thing is set in stone.
I guess it’s a mystery as to how we will actually tie the knot….
I want to have a beautiful white wedding dress.
I want my parents and siblings with us.
I want Billy’s family with us.
We will be paying for everything ourselves.
We don’t have a penny saved.
Anyone else have a non-traditional wedding?
We do hope to have some type of reception with family and friends.
Everyone likes a party!

p.s. my reader/dashboard = on crack & not functioning....i'm missing posts by the dozens :(

52 comments:

Mrs. Potts said...

Aww Annie. Weddings are fun, but what would be nice would be a real life look at how stressful they can be. The planning that you put into details that most people will never notice. The dress that you find that you'll wear once in your life. Mr. Potts and I took a very practical approach to ours. We planned it, we saved for it & we paid for it. We had a great big party with the people who were so important to us. We left out a lot of things that other people were doing (favors, over the top foods, special menus) because they weren't important to us.

No matter how you get married, the most important part will be that you are and that you share it with people you love - be that 10 or 100.

Katie said...

I'd like to have a big wedding, but considering how expensive it is, and how I also really want to buy a house, I'm not sure what will happen.

Mrs EyeCanSee said...

I had a friend in a similar situation. BIG weddings just weren't her thing...plus they were on there own financially and couldn't justify going into debt for a one day party. They ended up going to Jamaica. They invited 4 people, they're closest friends. (Both her parents have passed away as had his father) The pictures were beautiful and it was a built in honeymoon! Not sure if that's anything you could do...but her planning was pretty stress free! She still got to wear a white dress, and the resort did flowers, champagne, and cake. Just a thought!

Heather said...

We are getting married on the beach with close family and friends in Oct. My dress is simple and beachy and we are all wearing flip flops.

Your day is about you two and your love, the rest is just all the extra. What you will remember most about that day is not what you had but how you felt.

Hope it all works out!!

the future mrs Hinz said...

anything you do will be all about you guys devoting your lives to each other so it will be special! dont worry :)

EmFabulousFunshine said...

whatever you plan will turn out wayyyy better than you expect. best of luck!

C said...

Aw, girl. Weddings aren't about the "stuff", they're all about you & him committing your live to each other publicly. I'm sure whatever you do will be beautiful and perfect. :)

Christine said...

Some of my favorite weddings I have been to were the non traditional, smaller ones. Not less people... but less of the frills. Most recently I went to one in a family members backyard, a friend played the guitar for the music, the bridesmaids carried small bouquets that were not professionally done, the bride wore a matching flower in her hair, and the food was totally casual. I think because it was outside, the casual fit perfectly. It is hard to explain but you would have never guessed they did it on a budget! It was honestly the most beautiful wedding! I am sure you will be able to think of some great things!

Aishlea and Brandon said...

I did our whole wedding on a much smaller budget than anyone else I know! You can make any budget work, you just have to know the important things to you and the not so important things.

Do whatever will make you happiest! And make sure you have pics of whatever it is you choose to do because I know it will be perfect!

Katie said...

all that matters is that the wedding suits you two just fine! who cares about tradition!

xo
k

mrosev14 said...

You can make your wedding be whatever you want it to be. We wanted ours to be small (it has grown a bit), intimate, and original. We will probably have 50 people there, it will be on the beach, it will be lovely, then we will leave for a kick ass honeymoon.

Lucky for us we aren't paying for it, because if we were we'd probably go to a B&B with just our immediate family. I am sure you will be able to get exactly what you want out of your wedding. Let me know if you need any help. :)

♥ H ♥ said...

I used to plan weddings, they're stressful. I can't tell you how many times I've heard birdes say they just want to elope. It's stressful and it's over in just a few hours. I'd say, you and close friends (maybe just parents and couple friends) go off and have a wedding at a resort. Then it's a honeymoon/party built in together. You still get your dress and you get to be with the ones that matter. Plus it lasts longer, like a few days ;) Whatever you decide make sure you and B are happy! don't worry about pleasing others...it's not their day, it's yalls!!

♥Kim said...

Aw, don't be so hard on your self girly! You have plenty of time [I'm sure] to prepare for a wedding!

I ended up getting pregnant before we married, so I was about 5 months pregnant when we tied the knot. I ended up buying a cute off-white dress from dept shop for $20 bucks, witch was really cute, & our preacher married us both on my grannies front porch. It was spring weather & turned out beautiful. Nothing BIG, just my immediate family/friends. We did it there too, bc my grandfather couldn't get out the house bc of the condition he was in, but he viewed from the window! :)

Good Luck, & your beautiful day will soon come! Just have faith!

*** said...

I understant your position, I too will be in the same predicament soon. It is hard to plan a wedding when you have a have so many other things to plan and pay for. Traditional weddings are overrated and uninspired , go off and do something you won't ever forget, just make sure to have a beautiful dress and your family thats all you need.

KLaw said...

I was in the same exact situation. If you want some ideas, feel free to give me a shout. I planned our small wedding of 30 people outside at a lighthouse and had a small reception all for under $6k. It was gorgeous! I have planned a few weddings before, so don't hesitate to call on me for help.

Bist1115@yahoo.com

~ Loves!

The Rest is Still Unwritten said...

I had a HUGE wedding so I don't know. I think it'd be awesome to take a trip to Vegas with your few family members or to the beach and do it that way. that way you can wrap your honeymoon up with the wedding and still get the white dress.

brooke said...

i have to say i too get jealous when i see posts about huge fabulous lush weddings as c and i had to pay for it all (pretty much) ourselves and at 19 and 20 you can imagine that wasn't a spectacular event...however there are really only two things i wish we would have done different...one being i wish we would have gone with our initial gut and had a beach wedding as we were close enough to california to do this and we were just going to send out invites saying we would love you to be there but basically understand if you financially cannot...and we wanted just him in rolled khakis and white shirt...and me in a beautiful simple white dress...and an AMAZING PHOTOGRAPHER...we have zero amazing photos...and we were talked out of our beach dream...so i say be creative and do what YOU want to do because in the end it is going to you that looks back and remembers the day often not the guests or family members so stay true to what your heart leads you too!

i plan on having a redo with close friends and family for our ten year anniversary in a year and a half because i want to do it my way and with photos this time!

Jax said...

I so feel ya.. I will likely have to pay for the bulk of mine myself when I get hitched... My mom's a teacher and a single parent, soooo..yeah. If you can swing it, I'd vote for Mexico or somewhere b/c it truly can be all-inclusive and MUCH cheaper than you think. Small. White dress. Gorgeous setting. And many places end up paying for the bride and groom's room, wedding, etc. if they have so many guests coming. I wouldnt advertise that to yuor guests..haha.. but I have a friend who got a lot of her wedding paid for that way in Jamaica. :) She just invited people with no pressure and they kept signing up!!! OR do you know anyone that has a great house/yard that you could use? With the right stuff and right people helping, you could make something like that happen for sure!! Check out local parks-we have a coupple GORGEOUS ones here and I dont know if they'd require something or not, but I bet it wouldnt be pricey. You'd just have some chair rental and decor then have the reception somewhere you could transform-a yard, a gym, a university banquet room (those can be cheap too).

You will be a beautiful bride no matter where you do it. And I can tell you're really in love.. so it's the marriage, not teh wedding that truly matters. But I understand your worries. Just know you've got a ton of blog supporters ready and willing to throw out ideas to help you!!!!!

Mrs. W said...

I just got married in May and my husband and I paid for almost everyyything by ourselves. We didnt do favors (although there are several cute, budget conscious ones you can use), and we didnt have a professional caterer at the reception. We got a small tiered wedding cake for us and bridal party and then a large pretty sheet cake for our guests instead of one HUGE cake that was really expensive, and we STILL had leftovers. My best advice is to sit down with a pen and paper and really decide what elements of the big day are MOST important to you. We splurged a little on photography because we wanted to remember the moments. Not the food, not how many people were there, etc. I realized halfway through planning that I was creating this big expensive wedding to please other people and not my self, so I cut a few corners that no one even noticed and we ended up much happier [as did our wallets!]. There isnt a whole lot that will matter to you or anyone else at the end of the day once you're husband and wife : )

Now that Im on the other side AFTER the wedding, I can tell you that newlywed life is NOT cheap and you dont want to start your marriage out with financial strain. Now that its all said and done there are still things we could have saved money on that didnt end up being as important as I thought. I would rather have a smaller wedding and be able to invest more into the beginning of the marriage. I promise it is absolutely no fun to be broke right after the wedding. I have several friends that did a super small wedding and then splurged on a huge, amazing honeymoon!

Its whatever you and your hubby to be want to do, Its your day! ; )

She-Fit said...

I hear ya with the big wedding. Have you ever thought of doing a small wedding in a backyard and doing a potluck. you can find some really cheap dresses out there. Just an idea. Good luck girl. I hope that you find a way to make your dream come true ! ! !

Erin said...

Annie...its not the "to-do" about the wedding that makes for a happy marriage but it is about just the 2 of you and your families. No big wedding...no big deal. I bet there are a bunch of women out there that would trade the big wedding in a heart beat for a small wedding (sometimes, myself included). I hope you find what makes you happy. Remember to just smile :)

Ashley said...

I'm so glad you found my blog and that I now have found yours! I completely understand about not knowing what to do for your wedding. We had decided that we wanted to have a small, simple wedding. No more than 75 people, absolute max. I got married in June, and we ended up having a traditional wedding with more people than we originally wanted, and ended up spending way more than we budgeted.

The only way we were able to pay for the wedding is because we were engaged for over 18 months, and our parents helped out as much as they could (his are retired and mine are teachers) And, I'm going to be perfectly honest, I cannot say that I'd do it again. I would never want to be engaged that long again, and I would never want to drop that kind of money again, on anything but a house! It's not that I regret anything, it was an amazing day, but just all of that planning and deciding and trying to make everyone ELSE happy and money, not to mention that it did strain some of my friendships. And no matter how much you plan, something will go wrong, and you will not be able to make everyone happy.

Whatever you and B decide to do will be perfect for you two. I love the backyard wedding idea, and I think that I would do that if I had it to do all over again. One piece of advice I will give you: splurge on your wedding dress if you need to. Other than your future hubby and your vows, it's the most special part of the day!

Crazy Shenanigans said...

I'm sure that it'll work out. You could always do it in your families back yard for free and just decorate it really nice! My friend didn't have a lot of money but they wanted to have something nice. They got married in a public park last summer and decorated the area and had the reception there as well. It was really nice. All they had to pay for was the decorations, food, flowers and photography.

Kristen said...

no matter how your wedding is it will be your wedding & that will make it special! If you want to have a bigger wedding they can be done for really cheap, you just have to take on a lot yourself such as making the flowers etc. It just depends on the route you want to go :) But really, it will be your wedding whether it is just the two of you or 100 people :)

Brown Girl said...

Oh hun, you should go read my latest post. I understand, although I don't really care about a big wedding although I do think they are pretty. I like to focus on the fact that M and I love each other more than air, which I'm sure is the same for you and B. Don't lose sight of that. ;-) A small non traditional wedding can still be great!

Jennifer said...

In my opinion, non-traditional, totally unique, weddings that fit the personalities of the couple is PERFECT. I think your wedding is going to be fabulous! SERIOUSLY!

drollgirl said...

oh, if only money was not an object you could get all that you want!

i think the reception is the fun part, so i hope yours is a blast!

personally the thought of a wedding is too much for me. the stress, the attention, the money. but that is just me. i'd rather send off for a marriage certificate over the internet, but i know that is lame and that i would probably regret it and feel like a chickenshit if i did it!

i hope you find a way to get all that you want, or at least most of it. fingers crossed for you!

Annie said...

i'm about 6 weeks out from a big traditional wedding and a tiny non-traditional wedding sounds like a GREAT idea about now :) haha

...love Maegan said...

it's kind of funny, I felt the same. ..like wanted the big wedding but not all the stress and anxiety that came with it. My husband and I were actually planning a wedding and just said fuck it and went to Vegas and did it without telling anyone. Everyone was mad at us but really it was so special. Just the two of us. No one else to get in the way, no worries ...just he and I looking into each others eyes. It was magical. I was sad for a while that I didn't get the "big day" ...but really, I would have been a basket case instead of calm and happy and alone with my one and only. You'll figure it out ;)

This Minneapolis Life said...

We are hoping to do a ceremony at a church with a cocktail reception afterward (heavy appetizers instead of a plated meal) and a dance. We plan to keep the traditional elements that are importantant to us and skip the rest.

A wedding absolutely does not have to be expensive to be meaningful and fun. You could do a backyard wedding that cost $1,000 for your closest family and friends and people would still have a blast and it would be memorable. You could do a morning wedding followed by brunch, a late evening wedding with a dinner at a restaurant afterward, etc. Or you could skip it all and just elope!

The most important thing is that you do whatever is most comfortable and memorable for the two of you!

And whatever you decide will be GREAT, because it will be yours :)

Caroline said...

I will most likely be in the same boat as you when I get married. My plan (as of now) is to have a smaller, intimate wedding (just family and very close friends) on a beach somewhere and then have a casual reception in our home town once we get back from our honeymoon. That way everyone can share in your special day w/o spending a fortune!

jen + ryan said...

i had a big wedding, but i think that small weddings are the most romantic :)

♥Aubrey said...

Yep..yep...i sure do sweetie ♥ Me and the hubs had the HUGE wedding ALL planned out, cake ordered, dress, tux, you name it. Then...we got news he had to deploy :( Uhhhh the wedding got called off. But...we still wanted to get married, so we snuck off to Cali with his bestie in tow and got married ;)- No family members knew, it was just our little secret. We spent the entire weekend there and enjoyed being by ourselves together having fun. Came home and a few months later we had a huge reception/wedding with family & friends. All that matters is that you two love each other and all the other stuff {invitations, flowers, food} don't really matter. You'll find a way to make it special...i just know!!!

Lindsey Conrad - Nabors said...

I think Blogger is being weird lately . . . It's not showing me on my Dashboard who I am following and my counter wasn't there this morning. So annoying!! Oh and I LOVE me some berries too!! So yummy and refreshing, not to mention good for you!

About the wedding thing. Mike and I got SO stressed and fed up with our parents that we almost went to the court house and said screw it! I don't think you have to have a BIG wedding for it be really nice and classy and special. There are so many things you can do and it be very nice. I have seen some small ceremonies with just a few family members and everything was still just as beautiful as a large wedding. So don't feel bad about that! Actually, someone I know just got married at his parents home and it was only a few family members. I should send you the pics some time if you would like to see. It was very nice!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE planning parties and all - and I can find ways to do things and make it look so nice, without spending a fortune. I think candles are a great decoration and you can go to the dollar store and rack up on those! ya know . . . what are your colors you like? Or have you even thought about that yet? ha ha

I'm sure you have looked at weddings and stuff on-line, but if you want to see the pics of the couple I was talking about, LMK and send me your e-mail and I'll send them to you! =) It will all work out and be PERFECT and so special!!

btw - there's always Vegas! ha ha! That's what Kelly Rippa & her cutie of a husband did! =)

Sunshinemeg said...

FYI - something BIG is happening at Sunshinemeg tomorrow!

Katie said...

I totally understand the longing the have the traditional fairy tale wedding even when you know it's impossible. I guess the goal should be to decide what's the most important thing you want at your wedding (dress, flowers, party, pictures). Then you budget for that and save on the rest. But there are SO many things out there for brides to be, free honeymoons, free pictures, etc. So start entering your name into them, it can't hurt :)

Maryellen said...

Honestly Annie, if I had to do it over again I wouldn't have the big wedding.

My brother and sister in law got married in her sister's backyard and it was one of my favorite weddings ever. It was very personal and fun.

My wedding was great but since we went the big wedding route we spent time greeting guests we had never even met before.

Jon and Steph said...

We had a very small wedding, mainly because we found out we were moving to Germany and had to plan the wedding in three months. I was really sad at first that we weren't going to have a large wedding at the venue I wanted. But on our wedding day, I knew it was the best decision. We also paid for the entire wedding ourselves and I am so glad that we did. We had the wedding in my parents backyard and it was a blast. I think the small personal weddings with family and close family friends mean so much more.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

yay!!! ya know, no matter how long it takes to plan and even when its frustating itll be beautiful.

Alicia said...

girl my wedding was an simple as simple could be. married by his dad in their living room with just our family. long story behind it, but in the end, it was the perfect wedding...you'll find what works for you! and i'm sure it will still be fabulous!

Lauren Kelly said...

Girl, you have to do what's best for you and your future hubby. Not everyone is about big weddings. But I know whatever you two decide will be perfect for ya'll :)

sarah said...

The most important part of our wedding is to do what you want. If the dress is important to you, then save for that (and remember, it doesn't have to be expensive).

If it is exactly what you want, you will have no regrets!

Lil' Woman said...

Just share it with the people you hold close to your heart! :)

Elizabeth Marie said...

Hi love!
OMG I am SO SO SO SORRY I missed this yesterday...blogger said I wasn't following anyone and my sidebar wasn't updating so I didn't even know you posted! ANYWAYS...

So much good advice up here that I will just say, you have to do what is right for you...and the only two people that matter, on this day, are you and B.

I used to be an events planner and it is insane...treasure the small things, as I know you do everyday, thats why I adore you so much!

I'm so glad we have the blog world! We are here for you hun!! XO

Finally his wife! said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and the nice comment!

I have some advice for you....

You will not be missing out on anything if you don't have a "big traditional wedding." Well, who am I to say anything, because we didn't have one either, but on that day..."traditional" goes out the window. It is about the two of you. It's so easy to get wrapped up into the wedding planning and wishing and hoping you were having that big wedding. I am guilty of it. We had planned our wedding in Cabo for over a year and then had to cancel two weeks before due to the swine flu. I planned our Vegas wedding in about 2 months and it was the best day of my entire life. No, it wasn't exactly what I had envisioned, it was better.

The only thing that matters is that you have each other and the people that matter most by your side. Believe me...I know how you feel. I had people telling me ALL the time that what matters most is that we have each other and I got sick of it. I wanted my wedding, damnit! haha. Believe me, I promise on everything I believe and stand for...it's not worth it! The day goes by SO quick!!

What ever you two chose to do will be fantastic because you will be married. Smile and enjoy being engaged!

If you need ANY help planning, let me know. I pretty much planned two weddings and know where to find some great deals.

bananas. said...

well i'm not one for bg weddings but that's just me. dave and i have decided that if and when we get married it's off to vegas baby. i think for you, you have to do what's true to your heart. so what if you can't spend a million trillion dollars on a wedding. it comes down to your love for each other and expressing that love to one another, not your guests. i think whatever you plan, you will look and feel amazing.

In this wonderful life... said...

oh pretty girl!! Do NOT worry! It is not so much about "the big day" but all the even BIGGER days that follow!! xoxo

Nikki Cogg said...

Just do whatever makes you happy!!! You don't have to have a huge wedding in order to have the beautiful white dress. My cousin- in- law got married in a court house and had a big white dress because she wanted one. Don't feel confined to traditional standards, do what YOU want! My husband and I were engaged for a year and a half before we got marred. So enjoy being engaged to each other, it's something very special that only happens for a short period of time in your life (and how fun is it to say "fiance"?) why not make the most of it?

Try not to stress about it, everything will come together in due time and you will look back and remember that day as one of the best days of your life!

Iva said...

HEY! totally so sorry I missed this yesterday!

I am so sorry. The only thing that matters is the two of you. Its your day! your love, your commitment, your moment together. weddings can be so stressful, don't worry at all. you are such and amazing person, and you two love each other so much, it will be such a special moment regardless of how you two go about it!

Have a great weekend!

alyssa said...

i think big weddings are such a waste of money!! my husband & i got married on the beach (alone) and it was wonderful!!!!

SG said...

I can TOTALLY relate. We are in the midst of planning our wedding which we are paying for ourselves and my fiance was out of work for 4 months at the beginning of the year so needless to say it's been tough. If it were up to my fiance we would have been to the courthouse already but I've always wanted a "wedding".

Ours won't be huge, probably less than 100 and living in the DC area it's hard b/c it's SOOO expensive. We are scrimping and saving and will probably have to keep paying it off after the wedding but for me personally it's worth it. Everyone is different and you have to do what you are comfortable with. There are definitely ways to save money though and I think smaller weddings are definitely very sweet and romantic. One tip...don't invite anyone to your wedding you wouldn't have over to your house for dinner.

I wish you all the best!

Anne said...

Hi! I'm Anne but all of my friends/family call me Annie so your blog intrigued me, of course! I hear ya on the wedding thing. My husband and I did just go down to the courthouse and there's always been a part of me that wished I'd had my dream wedding. But I look at my husband and I look at our two daughters and I remember that it was the marriage I wanted...not the wedding. The wedding is ONE day, but the marriage, that's the guts of it and it's forever. We had NO money, I didn't even get to wear white and we went to Denny's afterward...but we're a very happily married couple and when it's all said and done, that's what matters.

I sincerely hope that no matter what kind of wedding you have, that you and B will have a happy marriage.

Hope you don't mind my dropping by every now and again :) Us Annie's have to stick together, ya know!

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