Thursday, January 7, 2010

she did it again...

i have this friend....
she will text me and say...
"hey, how are you? i miss you so much? what is new? how is everything?"
all in one text...
i will text her back either right away…
or within an hour...
then i won't hear back from her...
a day will pass, sometimes a week...
then she will text me and say....
"i'm so sorry for not texting you back...
life is so busy but...
i miss you and love you so much...
i think about you all the time...
and I can’t wait to see you"...
i contemplate texting her back at these times...
although i always do...
because i do care about her and our friendship....
anyway, this whole texting thing has happened at least 6 times in the past 3 months...
it's starting to upset me...
it happened again this week...
tuesday...
i get the same ol' text, "hi love! how are you?"....
i wrote her right back...
never heard back from her...
wednesday....
i get a text that says "so sorry about yesterday, ...."
then she asks if she has any mail at my house...
she lived with us over 2 years ago...
she hasn't changed her mailing address...
i let her know she doesn't have any new mail....
and we text back and forth 3-4 times...
then she just stops....
no, good bye....
no, enjoy the rest of your day...
nothing...
this friend is one of my very best friends...
the girl I used to talk to non-stop…
all day, every day…
we would talk about anything and everything...
literally all.day.long...
i haven't seen her in 2 months...
last time we had plans to spend the day together...
she had to cancel...
i know she has a good heart and means well...
i just don't get how one person can be "that busy"...
anyway,
i guess i just miss my friend...

88 comments:

jayme said...

I have a friend that does that exact same thing! You should tell her that it bothers you and maybe she'll work on it!? Anyway, I'm sorry because I know how frustrating it can be! And PS tell her to change her mailing address! :) xxoo

Children of the 90s said...

That's definitely tough. I have friends like that too--it's like they want to stay in touch, but they don't know how. I agree with jayme--make sure she changes her mailing address!

Charlotte said...

Thats tough- it's so hard to realize when your paths as friends sometimes just aren't going in the same direction- hopefully at some point your paths will come together again and it will be easier to maintain a friendship- I agree the girls- in the meantime, get her mailing addressed changed!

Go East Memphis Mama said...

I have a BFF that does the exact same thing. Even worse she makes plans with me then the day of just never calls or answers calls or texts. YEAH. SO I basically quit calling her and now she is texting me asking me to do stuff and I'm like fine but its on MY timeline now not yours. I just know that I can't depend on her. I love her but that is just the way it is. So sorry! I know just how you feel.

Cassie said...

I've been in that exact same situation! I had a friend that would text me and ask how I was and I would respond right away and then she'd say let's meet up for dinner soon so I would text right back and suggest a date and time and not hear a thing from her for weeks! I finally had to distance myself from her and we don't talk anymore. It's a sad situation, but a friendship can only be a true friendship if both people put in the work!

Lauren Kelly said...

I TOTALLY get you and how you’re feeling. Sometimes you feel like you’re the only one putting forth any effort into the friendship. And I’m learning that myself right now. It’s hard, but sometimes you just kind of have to accept the way things are and move on. Doesn’t make it any easier though. Make sense?

Blair said...

I'm sorry she is doing this to you!
I had a friend like that, never would return my calls/texts/emails. She would text me out of the blue, "hey I'm coming to Charleston for the weekend and I would love to see you!!" So I would call her...nothing! She never once came to visit!! This went on for a few years. It was really upsetting b/c I missed her and just wanted to see her and hang out with her. When she got engaged she starting putting more effort forth and we got closer but then I realized she only did that b/c she wanted me to be in the wedding b/c she quickly disappeared after the wedding then showed back up when she got pregnant. I got sucked into helping throw her a baby shower and after the shower she disappeared again. I finally realized that she was a "fairweather" friend that just used me (and her other friends) and that my other friends who actually cared for me and needed me were worth more so I put her out of my life so I could focus on my true friends again.

Amber said...

I was just thinking about these types of friendships yesterday. I've decided in this new year to not be the only one putting effort into any of my friendships. I'm fine with going the extra mile if the other person is too. It's tough to have to weed out the "friends" who aren't pulling their weight in the relationship but in the end I think I'll be happier!

Mrs. Potts said...

I'm so sorry - I had a friend like that. One who couldn't (or wouldn't) be excited for me when Mr. Potts & I got engaged.

I know what it is like to miss your friend. I hope she'll come around.

Brittany Ann said...

I had a friend like that. It stinks to miss them, but at the same time, my friends behavior began to feel inconsiderate, and she wasn't letting me feel very safe or loved. It was frustrating.

I hope you're OK!

Hayley said...

I have 2 friends like that... and I basically don't give them the time of day anymore. I don't have the patience!

carrie1 said...

Ehh.... sketchy besties are the worse! I have one.... I've gotten to the point that I don't invite her anywhere or do anything anymore because something ALWAYS comes up! Surprisingly we exchanged christmas gifts the other day. I wasn't planning on getting her anything and she text me outta the blue and asked what I wanted for Christmas.

Anyhoo.... lemme know if you need any "New Friend Applications"! =)

Blicious said...

im sorry about your friend. i had a friend like that too and it slowly got to the point where i didnt respond anymore. a friendship needs to have both people care enough to keep it strong. we are all busy in our ever day lives but you always find time for the people you care about. i hope she comes around!!!

XOXO

Suzanne said...

I have a friend like that. We have drifted apart in the years, but when we do see each other it is just like old times.
Sorry about your buddy :(

Ashley @ {Let Go, Laughing} said...

that is so tough... i have a friend kind of like that too but i know its not easy!

hope you are able to connect and hang with her soon!

xoxo

Jorden and Kristin said...

i have a friend like that too. it's frustrating. hope you can get together with her soon!

♥Aubrey said...

Oh no...i too know one of these gals who does this. It's sad to say the least that they will respond to a text you send, but then nothing...zilch...nada for a long time. I wish friendships were easier!!! I don't understand it...i really don't. Life isn't that complicated or busy to talk and be courteous to another.

Danielle said...

I'm with Hayley. We've all had those people in our lives and unfortunately you just have to cut them loose at some point. I miss her every single day but I know I will just be opening a can of worms if I try to rekindle the friendship. I hope it works out for you. XOXO

mackenzie said...

awww. i know exactly what you mean!! its like you get really excited when they text you and talk to you and then all of a sudden, it stops and it hurts, especially when its coming from what was a really good true friend. i have a friend who is JUST like this. we were SO close and then she moved away.. and i feel as if only sometimes i am important to her or come across her mind! ugh! hang in there lovely, you know who your true friends are!!!!

Kelsey @ Seattle Smith's said...

It's excited to hear from them, and then depressing at the same time because it's half ass. Unfortunately, this happens to us all. Maybe confront her and tell her it frustrates ya??

Taylor @ Jimmy Choos and a Baby Too said...

Okay I think we have the same best friend! My girlfriend does this ALL the time. When we go visit our hometown (where she lives) she will even put a facebook status saying "I cant wait to see my best friend today-love you tay" then when I get in town I text her and get no text back the whole week were there...its happened like 5 times! How weird! Oops sorry for the vent-ha!

Jessica said...

I know the feeling.. at least she does think of you now and then. Better than the friends that fall off the face of the earth completely. Hang in there! :)

KLaw said...

I can totally relate. its not that she doesn't love you. I know for sure that I am the worst phone person ever. I NEVER call anyone. Emails, texts, fine. Phone calls? Fuhgheddaboutdit.

Ams said...

That stinks :(
I don't really get it... what part of take two seconds from your day and return a text doesn't she get?
Not fair for you!
If it makes you feel any better, I would text your pretty self back right away!! haha... but I think that has more to do with the fact that my cell phone is attached to my body at all times. I guess that's what a long distance relationship does to you.

*Hugs* to you... I hope she comes around! Because if she doesn't, I think she is losing a great friend!

Lil' Woman said...

Ugh, sorry about your friend.
It sucks when only one person carries the friendship. I'm sure she means well but maybe you can talk to her and tell her that maybe she should call or text when she is not busy, cause it's shitty to just be hanging around waiting for a response that doesnt come.

♥Kim said...

I've been there too! Isn't it crazy how you can just give so much to someone & love & care so much, but they don't feel the same about you, as if they could care less. I've delt with the same situation w/ my bff.

Hope things work out! Frienships take so much time to workout.

Crazy! *hugs*

Patty Ann said...

yikes, sorry about that. i think we all know someone like that but it does suck when it's someone close. wish i had good advice for you!

Tara Gibson said...

i have had friends like that. You are making the effort and she seems to be making half the effort. Maybe yall should try to plan a time to meet up?

hope it all gets worked out pretty!

Just Add Walter said...

I think we all have friends like that... its sad when you start growing apart... it seems as though she has good intentions... she just isn't following through! best of luck with your friend!

Ashley said...

I have a friend like that too.:( and it looks like by all the comments we aren't the only ones. It's sad when you are so close to someone and then it feels like they make zero effort in the friendship.

Alicia said...

oh lady, i'm sorry...i think we all have a friend like that at some point in time...just be honest with her...if she's truly your friend she'll understand...good luck :)

ChloƩ said...

i can totally relate. i had a friend like this once... i am sorry you miss her! i hope things get better!

Jenni said...

I know people who do the same thing and it drives me crazy! Maybe just start replying to her first text with a "Hey, how about dinner on ___night!?"

Working Mommy said...

I completely understand how you're feeling...it can be hard to keep up with friends, but at least she is still sending you texts once in a while - even if she doesn't respond right away - or at all. All friendships take a lot of work - and maybe she just needs to be reminded that you miss her and look forward to talking/texting when you can!

~WM

meredith said...

my best friend from college is EXACTLY like this. for so long i was the only one sustaining our friendship, after a while i realize it's hard for me to keep up such a one-sided friendship. she still - and always will - mean the world to me, but i just have a better understanding and don't get my feelings hurt.

Gwen said...

Aw...sweetie you need to tell her how you feel. Then you can reconnect and move past this. I know how it can hurt your feelings. I have a person in my life that does the same things. Unfortunately they are sort of related to me and I can't say much. But this year this person flaked on my birthday and it hurt badly. I hope things get better between you too. I'm thinking of you. :) XOXO

Jessica said...

I guess I can see how a person can be that busy once, and maybe even twice, but EVERY single time? I think not. I know you care about her, so maybe you could jokingly mention (next time she sends a text) that it hurts your feelings that you answer and she never responds.

Let us know what you do - best of luck!

((HUGS))

Mitzi G.!! said...

I sorry....have you told her that it upsets you when she does it?

christy rose said...

I have several friends that seem to be the same way. but frienships are not always easy to develop and good ones are worth it. I guess you just have to decide if this one is worth it or not and be willing to keep the relationship that you have or tell her how you feel and risk it. It is a bummer though. I know!

Annie said...

Sounds like we all have a friend like this :(...I know that I do. She will call only when she knows that I cannot answer (like at work)...then I call back as soon as I get out...and it goes right to vm. THEN, I get a TEXT saying sorry that I messed you call..blah, blah...and we never really chat. I DID bring it up to her, and I think that it really hurm out friendship...BUT, I have plenty of other friends who DO have time to chat. We would go for so long between actually talking that it almost got awkard, you know?!!?

Anywho..we used to be BESTIES...but really know very little about each other anymore! Sad...but life goes on I guess :(

Selma said...

i can so relate to that it's making me sad again. i had a friend like that. actually more than just one. today we don't really talk anymore. i think it's sad. life can't be that busy. and even if it shouldn't be. life's way too precious and shouldn't be taken for granted. my so-called bff (she says so) hasn't spoken to me for weeks now. i just got a msg on facebook saying she's leaving tomorrow for a week or so. a bff isn't someone you facebook-message with, without a call or so. at least i think so. :(
oh well...hope you get to see your friend eventually! :) it's such a bummer. :(

anyways, i hope you're still having a good day hun! :D

Texan Couture said...

I have a friend just like this who lives in New Orleans (I am now in Austin)so it is not as easy for us to get together but having a texting/phone friendship is just not working out either. I always respond because I know I will see her again eventually and she was a great friend when I did live in New Orleans.

Shanna said...

I agree that I don't see how one person can be "so busy" either, but I think we all have friends like this!

Lucy Marie said...

I had/have a friend like that and eventually, I just realized that it's not really worth it to put out the effort or to constantly put myself in a place where she can hurt my feelings all the time. You are right - can one person really be THAT busy? I think that we all find ways to make time for what is truly important to us ... and you shouldn't have to suffer because she doesn't have her priorities in line.

Shannon Ashley said...

Thats totally annoying! You shouldn't have to text someone and say "Hey... by the way you never responded to my text." If someone knows they are bad with having 'text convos' then they shouldn't try to initiate them, they should stick to emails, calls or face to face! Being flaky like this is the worst! Love your new pic at the top by the way. Happy 2010!

Alison said...

Aww! I have a friend just like that and unfortunately we don't talk much anymore. For me it's been for the best (although sometimes I'd sad about it). She's changed a lot and maybe I have too. I think sometimes people just grow apart. I hope that's not the case with you and your friend though!

Christin said...

I have a friend EXACTLY like this! It's so frustrating! I love her dearly and we have been friends since we were 5... Maybe she has other things going on that she isn't talking about. Give it some time. Or maybe you and I both need to sit down with our friends and let them know how we feel.

Thanks for the sweet comment!

Jenna said...

I also know someone like this and it is so frustrating. You also have to wonder why they just won't pick up the phone and call...why does it always have to be a text? Sorry that you are going through this...it's definitely not fun. :(

Miss Caitlin S. said...

ANNOYING! sorry!

Rasha said...

Can totally relate.. that is really annoying. Sorry babe!

OceanDreams said...

So frustrating I know, I too have had this happen to me as of late. What frustrates me is when I leave messages to catch up with my girlfriends and they never return my calls or they return them a month later! Just because someone has moved away or gotten married, etc, should not use texting, twitter, whatever as an excuse not to be true to themselves and your friendship. You deserve only the best pretty girl.

Sarah Ann said...

Some people are like that. Once they find something better to do with their time you lose your place as top priority. It's hard but sometimes you just have to decide if the person is worth putting up with their behavior or if its just time to move on. Sorry you're stuck in such a shitty situation.

SG said...

That sucks. Maybe the next time she does it you should go ahead and call her rather than text her back. Maybe she's scared to call you for fear that she's disturbing you or something.

drollgirl said...

how annoying!!!! i am going to be mean here and say it would be nice to tell her TEXT OR CALL OR SEE ME WHEN YOU HAVE TIME! YOU ALWAYS DROP ME COLD AND IT HURTS MY FEELINGS. or, better yet, just send her a link to this blog post!!!!

Llama said...

oh no! sweetie i am so sorry to hear that your "friend" is doing this to you. honestly she is not acting like much of a friend right now. what she is doing is not right. i am so sorry she is making you sad, you do not deserve it. have you tried calling her to talk about it? i hope things look up for you real soon.
ps thank you for the sweet words on my blog today...i needed it! xo

Courtney said...

I totally have friends like that!

Cole said...

That just stinks!

I have a few friends like that. It makes me feel a little sad too.

Molly said...

Thats so sad. I have a couple friendships that just haven't been able to withstand the distance of an enitre country. I feel like I have tried, but you can only do so much.
Can't imagine how anyone could quit talking to you!!

Adorably Distracted... said...

I see why you are frusterated. I get the same way with my own sister sometimes. I'll get those texts from her but she never intends on following through or making the time to hang out. I understand that she has another family now BUT i never see her say I can't to them... usually the reason she cant do things with me is because she is already busy doing things with them.

I think this friend really does care about you. I have a friend that lives 2 hours away and we constantly have those exact convos. The other day she said, lets pick a date, and we did... right then and there and were set for Jan 17th at 1 pm! Maybe if you do this with her it will make her stop moving. If she cancels again, then maybe you can just say ok well why don't you just let me know when is good for you.

The truth hurts sometimes but it's not fair to you keep being attached to a good friend when she's not making the time to be there for you in person. A relationship isn't just texts!

Sorry for the book! I can just REALLY relate!

Leesie said...

Ooh I know how you feel it's so frustrating. I've had friends do this in the past and it annoys the heck out of me. It's like if you miss me that much talk to me already. Maybe you should give her a date to hangout like let's meet up Saturday at the _______, how's that sound? She shouldn't have any choice but to respond, then you can bring it up that you guys never really see/talk/ hangout anymore.

Lindsey said...

UGH that is so annoying! Sorry friend!

bananas. said...

I'm sorry honey. I hate when things like this happen in friendship. My opinion...its just annoying! Like stop already!

If i were you, i would say something. Sounds like you really caren for her.

Stay strong lovee. Xoxo.

Live, Laugh, Love said...

I hate people like that!! My sister always calls me and two minutes into the conversation she'll say "let me call you back", but she never does. Grrrr. Seems like they only text us when they want something or they're bored. I wouldn't waste my time or emotions texting her back, or you could tell her how you feel....

Nicole Marie said...

sad how sometimes that best friend you think will be there forever...isn't

Crazy Shenanigans said...

Mmmmm....I think I would ask her to get her mail forwarded...then I'd ask her what's up with the texting but no plans, etc.

Courtney said...

This is the worst, I'm sorry!! My BFF does that same exact thing. But I call her out on in all the time in a funny way. We were in the sorority ADPi together so I always call her our sorority's nickname and tell her to stop being a "Shady Pi!" haha good luck home this stops!

Kristin said...

Im sorry youre going through this! I think we all have "friends" like that! It's so tough, but you just have to confront her about it. Maybe you should try calling her instead of texting? That doesnt always work- I have a friend who I call and she doesnt answer the phone..she will text me back right after I call and said "Cant talk, but can text" EVERY SINGLE TIME! Even times when I know shes just at home and not at work! If calling or texting her that youre upset doesnt work, I would just not respond to her texts anymore. It hurts sooo badly, Ive had to do this before.. but in the long run, it will cause you less grief :)

Good luck!!!

THE Stephanie said...

I hate that! That's super annoying when you reply to a text though, and then they don't respond. I'm with you... how busy can you be?

Ashley @ KiwisandCocktails said...

That sounds so strange. I know friends of mine with kids are like that- They will not answer a text for a day or 2 sometimes!
I Have never taken that long to respond to a tex. Kind of rude.
Hopefully she gets better for you! :)

jennster said...

i have friends that do the same thing. i just chalk it up to them really being super busy. and it's honestly okay with me, cause i'm so freaking slammed all the time too. and also, i assume that if i really needed her, i'd pick up the phone and call her and she'd be there for me. and vice versa.
i'm sorry this hurts you.... you can text me and i'll not respond if it makes you feel better. LOL

Shayla said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog today!


I have a friend that does the EXACT same thing. It gets on my nerves because if she cared so much she would make time to call or quit bailing during text conversations or plans.

you are GORGEOUS!!!! the picture below is stunning!!! your son is adorable and your man is handsome as well :) what a cute family yall are!!!!

thanks for following! I will be following you as well!!!

Iva said...

I am so sorry Annie. Things like this are always very hard. I agree with so many of these comments, you need to tell her ;) hope you are having a great weekend!!

Ruby said...

Thnak you so much for your sweet comment on my blog...

Love your blog :)

Nahl said...

It annoys the hell outta me whenever that happens. I can't even say anything because I'm scared of looking too needy. :S

Love Lace said...

I have a couple of friends just like that! For me, everytime it happens I expect it to be different and not happen. But I also know we are all super busy and lots of friends are at different stages of life! Hang in there!!

Random Musings Of My Life said...

I hate text.

And you have just described my life right now.

I hate it. Just call me already! And when I call you after we have just texted each other 4 times PICK UP YOUR DAMN PHONE!

perfectly paisley said...

I have this same problem with a friend. I am a horrible horrible texter. I hate it. I prefer a phone call {always}. But I definitely text back and don't just leave it hanging! So upsetting! I hope you get this all worked out. I would bring it up... next time she answers! :o)
Have a great rest of the weekend!

Scott and Katie Dietrich said...

I have a couple friends that do that! It's so annoying!!! Love your blog, I just started reading it today!

follow me please:
thelifeandtimesofkatiescott.blogspot.com

Naturally Caffeinated Family said...

I'm sorry, that is so hard! We have some friends that we used to hang out with all. the. time. and have so much fun with, but everything is always on their timing, they pretty much only want to get together at their house for a while now, the husband is actually more sentimental about our friendship than the wife, and he is more easy going, but she sort of runs things and just doesn't think about other people's feelings or anything very much, it has really been bothering me, but I miss them too... so hard =(

Suzy said...

Hi Annie, just stopping by...new follower!

I think at some point in time we all have a friend like this! I know it's tough but remember to always enjoy the simplicity of your friendship!

High-Heeled Wife said...

Thanks for stopping by!!!! I love your blog and unfortunately I have the same friend It's hurtful I sometimes feel that I give 80% to her 20% hang in there pretty girl she'll come around and realize what an asset to her life you are!!!

Kerry said...

I have a friend exactly like this! xx

mommywonderland said...

So frustrating! I dont have texting for my phone so saves me that frustration! UGH..I know that feeling way too well and it SUCKS BALLS!!! What can you do? You love her?? I feel ya lady!

Kym said...

gahhh, i know how you feel! i have people like that too who say "hey hows it going, we should go for coffee sometime!" and you never hear back from them again after you've responded. i guess "lets go for coffee" is the new general greeting. theres not much meaning to it. :(

Debbie said...

Sounds like your friend is too plugged in and has forgotten how to be a real friend. I am sorry you are going through this.

Summer said...

I'm so sorry you have one of these in your life. I know TOO many people like this and it bugs.

I think flakiness is the biggest turn off! No patience for that.... =)

But, that's just me. lol

Lindsey said...

Girl, I've been through the same thing. It really stinks. Sometimes friendships to evolve into something we don't like. I hope it gets better for you.

Ela said...

Aw Annie sorry to hear that. I'd say it was bad timing but since she's the one texting she shouldn't really start it unless she has time to actually chat/text. I suppose she means well - starts off well...then something else takes precedence. You guys should book a girls day/night if you can, maybe it'll help, it certainly couldn't hurt :) I'm sure she misses you too!

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