identity...

these days being a MOM is who and how i am categorized as. i'm not annie, i'm not billy's wife, i'm no longer an emplyee, i'm cullen's mom.  i feel like my identity has changed so much in the past year that i can hardly keep up. sometimes i struggle with this.

my life as a "stay at home mom" isn't all glitter and gold.  i've recently started watching another baby, she is 6 months old.  i never thought i'd be be a stay at home nor an at home mom watching someone else's baby. i'm very thankful to be able to spend my days with cullen though and i wouldn't change it!

my identity went from billy's girlfriend, to fiance, to wife, to the prego, to cullen's momma, to at stay at home mom, to a stay at home mom who is also caring for another baby.  on top of doing everything else around the house....all those changes happened within a year and a half.  i loved every step along the way.

i worked at the same job, a law firm, for 9 years.  i liked my job.  i never called in "sick", i actually didn't mind waking up and going to work.  i enjoyed the people i worked with and just my job in general.  btw, that job is where i got into blogging!  anytime i happened to have free time or a break i would read blogs and comment like no other ;)  i LOVED reading blogs. i was able to develop a lot of friendships through blogging. these days i turn to my favorite blog friend before i even do my "real life" friends.  sometimes it's just easier that way, she doesn't judge and if we ever got to actually hang out you'd find us with a bottle of vodka, probably watching trash tv. haha!!

i read blogs for about a year before i started my own and once billy and i were engaged i decided to start my own.  that was a whole new chapter in my life, one i would be enjoying with another and spending my life with and it was the perfect time to start my own blog. never did i think anyone would read it.

we've had our ups and downs just like any other couple.  i'm sure i've blogged about some of them. life isn't all peaches and cream.  life is real, it's hard and difficult and blissful and full of love all at the same time.  every day is different, at least for me, no matter what. i'm grateful i have cullen's sweet face to looke at, he is my sunshine and i couldn't imagine my life without him.  nor could i imagine my life without cullen's daddy, billy has stood by me always.

i gave up a job that i really enjoyed after 9 years for the next and best chapter of my life, to be an at home momma to our CULLEN.  he is my life. my whole life. i haven't been away from cullen for more than 5 hours and that was only because my kidneys were failing me.  had there been an open hospital room i would have been away from him much longer....everything happens for a reason.

life is so incredibly different these days.  i knew i was giving up a lot yet gaining a lot by being a stay at home mom but i don't think there is anything that can prepare you for it.  i have been a full time working gal since i was 16, a lot of the time working more than one job and always babysitting in my free time.  i have always worked and made money and have always had pretty much anything i felt i needed.  not too the extreme though, i don't buy much name brand clothes, shoes, purses or makeup.  i have always been a bargain shopper, target was my favorite place to shop.  i knew staying at home i'd have to give up any and all of my shopping habits, including my guilty pleasure, TARGET!   i haven't been to target in over a month! i used to go 2-3 times a week. looking back i wish i would've stayed out of that place ;)  can't believe how much money we would have saved.  life is a lot different going from two salaries to owning your own business.

things have gone differently than planned but tell god you planned your life and he'd probably just laugh ;)  billy has new clients all the time and an awesome following of people who love what he does and who believe in him. makes my heart happy, my husband has a following of people who believe in what he does, how awesome is that?! i'm a proud wife.  billy is an entrepreneur and he is determined to make it.  he is always coming up with new and better ideas on how to run the business.  i love his dedication to work and to making things work.

life is different but it is still good great  i miss billy a lot of the time, i wish he were home more with our culley, i miss having a job some days, i miss being a "professional".....BUT the bottom line is, I AM CULLEN'S MOM, a professional momma :)  and i feel i deserve this position in life and it is the best thing ever.  it is hard on B and I.  especially since he works so much and we usually don't talk during the day.  but it's what we decided TOGETHER. you never know what life will bring, negative or positive.  you must take each day as it is given to you :)

i think this post probably bounced all over the place but i didn't type it all at once and my thoughts are always all over the place!  ha!